Open letter to my long lost friends

Hey

Been a long time

I can't face you with a right mind

You remind me of the bad times

The sad times

And the long gone times

I was happy with you once, but we ended so bitter

I agree I loved you once, but then the suffering made it harsher

I remember we played games on the roads, in the forests and the playgrounds

I remember how we exchanged friendship bracelets at my place in town

We watched fairytales and wished for our princes

We held hands and hugged each other like we were the three musketeers

I remember how you taught me how to make paper boats and ribbon roses

I remember how you taught me how to curse dickhead and motherfucker

We were kinda stupid like how kids are at our age

We were kinda mature for the teens of our age

I learnt a few bad things from you and so did you

I learnt a few good things, I'm sorry I didn't tell you so

I remember I was mean, kinda keen and very seen

But I promise I wished for the same for you maybe once in a while

I remember I helped you through that maths problem you couldn't do

I remember how we won a science fair cause I leaded you on

I'm sorry I have an ego and it gets hurt and I leave

But you were kinda dumb for thinking it meant to me more than my emotions

I remember I was there for you at every picnic, birthday, party or meet

Do you remember how many times I was left alone cause you refused to reach

I was ready to take you on a ride with me to a zoo

But do you remember calling me a bad influence cause I slipped few words I didn't mean

I know that kids are stupid, kinda ruined and spoiled in this game

But human empathy is easy, it comes to you so naturally

Then why were you so mean to me, in the end when I made a few mistakes?

Could have taught me how to walk right but you left me dancing in the rain

Alone.

I have bad anxiety now, I'm possessive I have separation anxiety too

I am kinda lost and kinda insecure too

And I won't blame you a bit, cause now you're gone

They tell me friends are the family you choose,

I wonder why I ever chose you

My family hurts me but never leaves me on the road alone

You threw a few poses and just flipped your hair to show me I lost

Was it tough? Was it easy? Was it that way cause you hate me? Were you jealous, were you uneasy? Tell me Why'd you had to hurt me?

You said a few words which spread like rumors in the school

I agree I seek attention a lot but trust me it comes to me uncalled for

I was broken by a few things at home

But you kept breaking me on

And when I decided to leave you cause why not

You tattered my name cause you thought why not

Nice.

I will keep that in mind

Everytime I see your name, it will remind

Now, do you remember how you jumped on me

Cause my dress was kinda short and I was easy

But I pushed u back and you didn't apologise for once

Cause maybe you thought she will just let it go by

I loved it when the principal called you out in the end

I know you are discriminated

Against me or this scholar medal you see

Trust me I was just enthusiastic

Taking up every opportunity, I thought you will get me I was missing something 

All this happened but you kept saying

Mihika you are such a gem

Saying I have it all so set up

Are you happy now that I am messed up?

And you, boy, shining toy, with a sad story

You said you'll fuck me first then why did life already left me done?

You said you'll get me

But I wonder if it's okay to buy corpses

Cause trust me all that name-calling left me dead with crushed pieces 

I was nice and kind and sweet and easy

Kinda broken on the inside and hid it so loosely

Oh I exaggerate Oh I overreact Oh I'm hurt easily

I swear I too hate me for this deeply

But aren't friends supposed to help you get better

Aren't friends supposed to give you a shoulder

I was misheard, misunderstood and mistreated

Never for once I looked out and found your arms around my demons

Yes, I scream, I shout, I screech

I cry quite a lot too and mostly feel like dying

I thought you'll be my safe place, my friends who'll save me

I was wrong, you took advantage for your cheap laughs and left me

And yes, I'm happy we were once so close

We shared so many memories and tosses 

I'm trying to let go of the past 

Making peace with my scars

Maybe if after 10 fucking years

We ever met again, I'll treat you to dinner at my place.