Am I missing out?

INTRO :
Hello! I'm back with another blog. Lmao It's stupid when I type it but would have looked cool had it been a vlog. Been doing better than ever. And that's great! Achievement! Wohoo! But you know me, the guilt, fomo, regret, fear, frustration, just never leaves me. 

I'm in college now. Crazy. I look 8 around everyone there. lol
I travel 2 hours to college and that tires the shit outta me. I'm jealous of those who live 5 min away from college like wtf how are you so lucky! 
I can't eat a lot of outside food, but doing so hurt my body the past week. 
I don't really have topics to talk when I meet new people. What am I supposed to say to someone I met 3 seconds ago??!!?! 
Went for offline classes for a day and surprise! Covid! Yellow alert! Ghar baitho! 

Tbh, it's all bearable. It's just a phase. It will pass away. But the fear of missing out, won't. 

I look around and I see just so many people doing just so much! 

Someone's working with an NGO, someone's doing not one but 2 internships at a time. Someone's singing on insta, someone's earning in crypto. There are artists with insta pages, there are entrepreneurs with small businesses. There are girls who are rocking their insta game, there are boys flaunting their body change. 

And here I am, ranting about it on my barely active blog that attracts 100 views that too by my own friend who keeps opening it from all her family member's mobiles. 

I'm not jealous of 'em. I'm neither happy for them nor sad because of it. I have no feelings when it comes to them and their success. But of course, if I know them, I'll cheer them to my best! And I'll be always rooting for you! 

I'm not losing confidence. I mean, we are all talented. Some got to know about their capabilities before us. And some even put it to showcase before others. That's okay. Everyone's journey is different and so must be our goals. 

I'm actually kinda scared. Time is passing fast. 10th class result was like 3 years back now. Covid has turned our lives upside down. Some have mental fatigue, some have physical sickness. I find my interests change every other month. Everything is a blur. 

It's like a tik tok clock staring at me. Run and do something during the time between one wave's ending and another's beginning. Do something before it all goes away. Trends come and go before you are even able to understand them. Spoiler alert, don't try to understand them they are just stupid. Reminds me of my P.T. Teacher screaming at us to tie our shoes fast and RUN! RUN! RUN! FUCKINGGG RUNNN!! 

Okay, he wasn't that aggressive, sorry😂 

It's a feeling of not being able to keep up. Yes I have goals, Yes I have plans, Yes I have motivation, but there's something I don't have and I'm not gonna tell you what. Because it's different for all. You know what's lacking in you. And it should only stay with you. (dw I got ur back boo) 

With time passing, and "Bunny tujhe jana chaiye, bilkul jana chaiye. Kab tak chalega aise? Ab bade ho rhe hain hum, aur ye sab bachpana band karna padega" 

Sigh. 

2021 ended, and so did my will to keep hustling lol. We all have a story. We all stepped in 2022 with our share of regrets, guilts and remorse. There are things we don't show and then there are things that we want to show. Some are showing it, some are still not sure. 

OUTRO :
Strange how I feel this and still go to bed every night with "Fuck it" attitude. Like, I'm fucking 8, badi toh hone do😭 

To you and your fomo,
Hi! Chalo maggi khayein :) 
From me and my fomo.