Friend/acquaintance

 Took to writing today and how

Hi

I'm ruining my format of writing blogs, maybe heartbreak is a valid excuse.

"What is friendship?"

I google. 

"Mutual affection" 

Says wiki

"stronger form of interpersonal bond than an acquaintance" 

Hmmmm. Makes me think deeper. 

College exposed me to a crowd. A crowd of literally hundreds of different personalities and attitudes. Out of this, I chose friends. How? I don't know. I just felt good with some people and chose to take care of them a little more. I go by vibes and feelings and just comfort. I don't force myself to befriend someone. It happens naturally. And that's the beauty of friendship. You don't force it.

I remember my friend saying once after a fight that "Ab toh tu acquaintance hai bss" and that's when it hit me. Not everyone is a friend. But most of them are simply, acquaintances.

How do you differentiate?

Good question. And very easy if answered on surface. But I'll answer how I usually do.

I have always done this for my friends, over care. I don't look out for anyone, but I do for my friends. I make sure they always have an ear whenever they wanna share. I keep them checked on anything that they might lose due to a deadline. I make sure they are never alone, and will be there for them till they need me. I try to be their sunshine on days it feels glooomy. Making plans for them is my way of telling them, "I like spending time with you."

I over love. What's loving if not accepting someone for their flaws and still finding them special. I do that. If you are a friend, there must have been this moment where I told you why you are so special and deserve all the happiness in the world. I forgive way too easily. You wouldn't even know you made a mistake and I will still let it slide.

My uncle and I were having a discussion and this topic came up. I overcare. He said "Anything you do beyond normal, will hurt and harm you."

I'm seeing the scars now.

I think my friends don't have the same definition as I do. And that's okay but that has made me suffer. I'm flawed. Very. And ig, my friends keep highlighting those flaws and forgetting they were supposed to love me regardless.

There have been times where I've brought down my self respect to 0, and tried mending things. There have been times when someone chose someone else over me because really I would understand it if they left me because I'm thought out to be the intelligent one. There have been times when I was left alone for they chose something else over this.

It's like, none of them were friends but just acquaintances. This realisation hurts. And I might even be righting this crying in a headache.

I'm glad, I still have people I can count on. I have a man I love who is just like me and loves like me. I have my constant who chooses to be with me despite all the odds. I have my bestfriends who love and care for me like no other. You won't know the taste of a good apple till you taste a bad one. True. Every friendship that breaks, leads me to appreciate the bonds more. I guess, heartbreak is a go od excuse to change and be better.