MIHIKA HAI

Trigger warning: suicide Empty is life without someone that you gave your all to. I've heard of stories of people killing themselves because they couldn't let go of someone dear who died. They were desperate to just meet them, here or there, in heaven, or hell if they did stupid things together in life. I never understood their reasoning. I always felt, you have someone with you, always. And there's always some sort of support, because humanity is not lost. I realised it now, it's actually not the support or just any human presence you feel the need for, it's that same particular person. No other person, dog, cat or a cloth that belonged to your loved one can take you out of the empty space left from that loved one's departing. I don't let go. I hold tight. And that makes me a very evident victim of this emptiness. Losing you wasn't something I predicted. In fact, no one saw me leaving you anytime in my lifetime. It was a wave of pure thunderous clouds t

 Took to writing today and how Hi I'm ruining my format of writing blogs, maybe heartbreak is a valid excuse. "What is friendship?" I google.  "Mutual affection"  Says wiki "stronger form of interpersonal bond than an acquaintance"  Hmmmm. Makes me think deeper.  College exposed me to a crowd. A crowd of literally hundreds of different personalities and attitudes. Out of this, I chose friends. How? I don't know. I just felt good with some people and chose to take care of them a little more. I go by vibes and feelings and just comfort. I don't force myself to befriend someone. It happens naturally. And that's the beauty of friendship. You don't force it. I remember my friend saying once after a fight that "Ab toh tu acquaintance hai bss" and that's when it hit me. Not everyone is a friend. But most of them are simply, acquaintances. How do you differentiate? Good question. And very easy if answered on surface. But I'll

INTRO : Hello! I'm back with another blog. Lmao It's stupid when I type it but would have looked cool had it been a vlog. Been doing better than ever. And that's great! Achievement! Wohoo! But you know me, the guilt, fomo, regret, fear, frustration, just never leaves me.  I'm in college now. Crazy. I look 8 around everyone there. lol I travel 2 hours to college and that tires the shit outta me. I'm jealous of those who live 5 min away from college like wtf how are you so lucky!  I can't eat a lot of outside food, but doing so hurt my body the past week.  I don't really have topics to talk when I meet new people. What am I supposed to say to someone I met 3 seconds ago??!!?!  Went for offline classes for a day and surprise! Covid! Yellow alert! Ghar baitho!  Tbh, it's all bearable. It's just a phase. It will pass away. But the fear of missing out, won't.  I look around and I see just so many people doing just so much!  Someone's working with a

INTRO : My school life ended and yet doesn't have an ending. It's kinda sad, not gonna lie. But remembering this 14-16 year journey might help cope with the feeling of losing out. My school life was an amusement park. I have changed rides so many times. The starting was always nerve-wrecking yet exciting. The middle is where all the fun was.  The ending was comparatively lukewarm and sometimes I even stumbled. There have been blockbusters like the ferris wheel, merry-go-round, but there have also been some flops.  When I was in 1st standard, I learnt what failure is. Very big lesson for a very young child. Definitely traumatic. But I'm thankful for myself for not crashing and instead rising even higher. I failed 1st class because I joined school late and then took a long break as my grandmother passed away. When I went to school the very first day of my 2nd year of 1st class, it was weird. My class teacher didn't believe I'm repeating "1ST CLASS&quo

Hey Been a long time I can't face you with a right mind You remind me of the bad times The sad times And the long gone times I was happy with you once, but we ended so bitter I agree I loved you once, but then the suffering made it harsher I remember we played games on the roads, in the forests and the playgrounds I remember how we exchanged friendship bracelets at my place in town We watched fairytales and wished for our princes We held hands and hugged each other like we were the three musketeers I remember how you taught me how to make paper boats and ribbon roses I remember how you taught me how to curse dickhead and motherfucker We were kinda stupid like how kids are at our age We were kinda mature for the teens of our age I learnt a few bad things from you and so did you I learnt a few good things, I'm sorry I didn't tell you so I remember I was mean, kinda keen and very seen But I promise I wished for the same for you maybe once in a while I remember I helped you thr

 Losing Friends INTRO: This is to hundreds of friends that I met and then let go. I appreciate all of you. You have been in my life and have contributed so much. Although we might not have ended things on a good note, I hope we only have good wishes for each other. xx Have you ever lost a friend? Did you lose someone because you shifted to a new place or they did? Did you lose someone because your classes shuffled and you both ended in different sections? Did you lose someone because you changed your school? Did you lose someone because of misunderstandings? Or did you lose someone just because you stopped vibing and grew apart with time?  If yes, this is for you.  My father has a transferable job. I have changed more states than I have changed my hairstyles lol. I have made many friends and then have also bid them farewell. Again and again.    Let's think of 2 scenarios.  1) You guys parted due to reasons which were not in your hands.  2) You guys separated because of something on

 ARTISTS ARE DIFFERENT INTRO: Before we begin, I found a really cool youtube page that explains great art (NOT SPONSORED) and they beautifully decoded the Monalisa painting by Leonardo da Vinci.  Page- Great Art Explained Link-  Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci: Great Art Explained This video was also an inspiration for me to write this blog.  There's a poem in our Class 12 CBSE curriculum (English Core) named A Thing Of Beauty (Flamingo poem-4). It's stated that Sun, Moon, Trees, Daffodils, Streams, Forest are all beautiful. I agree. But there's more that I want to add to the list, ART.  What is art? EVERYfckingTHING. Hehe. I mean, you can find art in everything. Literally everything. Don't go by the dictionary meaning of art. Art itself can never be completely explained. Not even the artist can tell you what exactly the artwork signifies. "It's the artist and only the artist who can completely understand their art." But that doesn't mean you'll be

SCHOOL CRUSHES INTRO: Hey classmate!!, who I only speak to when collecting and returning notebooks, I am sitting next to you for a while because I can get a direct and clear view of my crush from here. How old were you when you had your first crush? No matter what age, you must have been in school and I am pretty sure of it. I remember my first heart-fluttering feeling of getting a crush. I was 9. I was sitting on a bench of my school's playground waiting for my daddy to pick me up. He was waiting for the second bus trip to go back home. He was my classmate. He climbed up the stairs to the park. The next moment, we were talking, and all I could make out of that instant was that feeling. *Plays Are Re Are- Dil Toh Pagal Hai* When my daddy came, I started to get up and I turned, saw him smiling and waving at me. At that moment, that damn smile, that adorable dimple smile, I knew it was something. The fact that I remember it SO well is enough to justify that it indeed was a

Online Classes INTRO:  Mihika joined I remember when online classes first started- 'Kya yrr, ek mahine ke liye wait ni kar sakte the kya' 'kya hi hojaega online class se' '2 hafte mein online wala bhoot utar jana hai inka' My school started online classes from 23rd March. Mtlb उत्सुक्ता dekh rhe ho. They already knew ki ye lockdown lamba chalega. And we were all kinda mad ki WHYYYY?!! But it went on and turned out to be fine.  Occasionally jab Narendra Modi aur Salman Khan (Mostly folowed by Katrina Kaif) join krte the, and aakar gana bajate the, I know the kind of excitement ya'll felt. Be it Babu Bhaiya or Rinkiya ke papa, be it Dus bahane kar ke le gaye dil or Gadi wala aaya ghar se kachra nikal, that 1 min of nuisance is probably every student's favourite online class memory. I remember someone once played songs in maths class and then continued to change names so that ma'am can't remove him. Also, when someone played Ram bhajans the day afte

When most of the people were sleeping while monsoon began showing its arrival, I related my childhood fear of thunder and rain with my fear of facing problems and problematic people. Today, I can proudly say, I am no longer running away. I've decided to face it.   It rained today. I told it,  "I was once afraid of you. The thunder, crumbled me. The voice of droplets, Was not more than an alarm, An extended emergency-alarm. I was scared of you. So much that I covered my ears. I was anxious, and my body shivered.  I used to find solace in my blanket, Whenever you knocked the roof. I used to cry my fear out, Whenever your water chitter-chattered.  Lying on bed, I used to hide till you left. But I am not intimidated by you anymore.  I don't run inside, I look at you, Right in your eyes. How'd it happen? Don't you wonder?  Did I grow up? Did I become braver? I didn't ignore you, I embraced you.  Somehow, I realised why The clouds are pouring themselves out. Must hav

An ode to my comfort food chilli paneer...             I made it. It was tasty and comforting to me. INTRO: I made myself my comfort food a week ago. It was terrible. Not JUST because I am terrible at cooking, but also because I was out of red chilli sauce. I like my chilli paneer like my aunty's zabaan (teekhi). I was going crazy today as well. I made it again and Ahhhh... If there's heaven on earth, I was in one while eating it. Not exaggerating, it's just what comfort food is supposed to do to you. Then I was watching Mystic Pop-up bar . "People can live as long as they have one person who listens to them" Right? Our COMFORT PERSON. We all go through days when we don't feel like getting up from bed. When our mood rides a roller coaster. When we are constantly irritated and frustrated. When we get angry over silliest things. When we don't feel like explaining but still want someone to understand us. When our head is not the only place our mind is at. Whe

An ode to 1649 screenshots of 11th class notes that I never opened to study, 55 screenshots of my self written poems that I deleted  from my secret poetry instagram account and uncountable screenshots of quotes I relate to but don't post because people won't care... But also, screenshot like memories in my heart. 13/12/2019, Friday INTRO: I was watching Dear Zindagi on Netflix today. I first watched it several months ago, was quite obviously impressed. But these days I had this sudden urge to watch it all over again. Maybe because I too am someone who took therapy. I realized I was looking for someone like Jehangir Khan, 'Jug', in my therapist. And I am disappointed. Wish I could find someone like him but movies aren't real life, mere inspirations. He said this one line 'Jab hum apne aap ko achchi tarah samajh lete hai... toh doosre kya samajhte hai, it doesn't matter... not at all.'  The social media addict in me wanted to capture it and

THE BEGINNING You regret not going in, but you also regret staying back. The worst is being on the verge. Since you have already experienced what was behind, it's better to move forward.  Whatever happens next is Destiny.